The Chicago Reporter

Now, I know we all remember watching “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” with our parents as kids. And watching the little orange and green Oompa Loompas sing about how Agustus was a greedy little boy and got exactly what he deserved.

Well, you know what? Agustus wasn’t really smart enough to know what was wrong, in my opinion. Anyone who can eat like him needs a 24-hour medical staff. So people open your eyes! If you’re sitting on the bus and spilling over into the next seat then it’s time to get up and exercise. No teen should have to worry about their weight because, during this time in your life, you gain around 50 percent of your total adult weight.

Guys, between eating everything that’s not nailed down in the house, you’re supposed to be outside running, playing, or lifting weights. That way you can start the habit now for when you’re the man of the house and you need to unload that big ol’ flat screen TV from the back of your truck, or something like that. Plus, your body is made to distribute your weight around your bones and organs. That way, no part of your body has to work too hard. When you start to see your skin bulging in some places and your skin starts to layer on top of itself, then it’s time to realize that you are getting fat! If you don’t believe me then check out the chart below, I found it at lovetoknow.com.

Girls, now I know as future mothers there is a small fat deposit we must maintain, but we’re not having kids yet so you can lay off the Jell-O and chips! Anyway, just like I was telling the guys, you can’t just eat the things you like all the time. If you take a break every once in a while then when you eat your favorite dessert or treat, it tastes a million times better because it has been a long time since you’ve eaten it. And, just between you and me, you’re less likely to break out in pimples and acne if you slow down on how much and how often you eat your favorite junk food. If you don’t believe me then check out the chart and you tell me, are you on the right path?

So until next time, remember butter is for flavor not the whole meal,  sugar has absolutely no nutritional value, and remember what the Oompa Loompas say ...

Oompa Loompa, doompadee doo
We have a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa, doompadee dee
If you are wise you will listen me

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats?
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come of that?
I don't like the look of it

Oompa Loompa, doompadee dah
If you're not greedy you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do
Doompadee do

- Franchesca